Resources

queerlyattached

Resolving queer attachment trauma because you can’t create the life you want from self-abandonment.

I used to hate Pride. Not because I didn’t want

I used to hate Pride.

Not because I didn’t want to belong.
But because I had been taught that belonging meant rejecting myself.

Twenty years ago on this day,
I was getting ready to serve a Mormon mission. Entering the Missionary Training Center(MTC).
I had repented—over and over—for what they called my “same-sex attraction.”
I was proud to wear that missionary badge.
That badge meant I was Choosing The Right.
That I was safe. Redeemable. Worthy.

I entered the MTC in June.
While some people were marching in rainbows, I was learning Spanish, memorizing scriptures and praying away the gay.

When I first saw Pride parades,
I judged them.
Not because they were wrong,
but because I was still trying to stay in a story that never saw me fully. It wasn’t Pride I really hated, it was me.

But here’s what I know now:
Every person has their badge.
Their symbol of belonging.
Something they once clung to because it made them feel worthy, even if it came at the cost of authenticity.

Mine just happened to be religious.
Yours might have been approval. Perfectionism. Silence.

But Pride?
Pride is what happens when we pivot.
When we choose presence over performance.
When we stop wearing what made us feel worthy and start becoming who we actually are. Happy Pride month friends! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️#lgbtqiapride❤️💛💚💙💜 #queerhealing #selfacceptance

I’m proud to be part of the Education Tent at th

I’m proud to be part of the Education Tent at the 2025 KC PrideFest! 🌈✨
The Education Tent is a place to celebrate our brilliance and dig into the issues that matter most.
Catch my session 💬 Queer & Clear: Connecting Through Conflict—
If you’ve ever shut down mid-fight, spiraled after a text, or performed connection while feeling totally alone, this chat is for you.
We’re unpacking how to move from reactivity to realness, and how to reconnect with yourself first.
🎟 Grab your tickets to KC PrideFest now at bit.lyKCPrideFestTix

@kcpride1
🗓️ June 7th @ 5:30pm
📍 Education Tent, Theis Park, KC PrideFest #kcpridefest #bold&gold #50yearsstrong #queerattachment #pride #queerhealing

🌈 QueerMMunity is now a real thing! A space for

🌈 QueerMMunity is now a real thing!
A space for queer healing, joy, and nervous system restoration. Hope you’ll join us @a_slowstudio #queerhealing #kclocal #kcpride #lgbtqiaplus

🌈 Let’s chat attachment in the Wellness Tent

🌈 Let’s chat attachment in the Wellness Tent at KC PrideFest! 2nd year in the tent and can’t wait to see some of you again! KC Queers show out for this event!🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️
Curious about your attachment style? Want to learn how to stop spiraling in queer relationships and start showing up with confidence, clarity, and calm? That’s my jam and I get to share all about it at KC PrideFest!

✨ I’ll be at the Wellness Tent on June 7th from 12:00–4:30pm with info on our local QueerMMunity group @a_slowstudio I’ve got a free attachment quiz, Pride coloring pages and I won’t let you leave without a Queerly Attached sticker😊 Come out and support small businesses, holistic healers and wellness providers!

I am also excited to be presenting again in the Education Tent! This year I’m speaking about “Creating Queer Joy” June 7th at 5:30pm. I’ll save you a seat!
Come say hi & grab a sticker💬💖 @kcpride1

#KCpridefest #lgbtqiapride❤️💛💚💙💜 #bold&gold #50yearsstrong #SecureAttachment #KCEvents #queerjoy

You don’t set a boundary to control someone. You

You don’t set a boundary to control someone. You set it to stay connected to yourself.

A boundary says:
“This is what I need.
And this is what I’ll do to honor it.”

If they cross the line but you stay?
That’s not a boundary. That’s a wish at best. And wishes don’t keep you safe actions do.

Want to avoid another situationship?
Get clear on what you need before you fall for the potential.

Start with this question:
What’s one need I’ve abandoned in the past that I won’t abandon now?

Follow for more queer clarity in dating, conflict & communication!

#queerattachment #securelove #lgbtqia #situationship #boundaries #queerhealing #wlw

I didn’t grow up learning how to stay with mysel

I didn’t grow up learning how to stay with myself.
I learned how to hide. How to please. How to adapt.
How to be lovable, even if that meant being invisible.

Growing up gay in a high-demand religious system, I became an expert in shape-shifting—
not because I lacked identity,
but because I was trying to protect it.

But here’s what they don’t tell you:
Self-abandonment feels safe until it starts costing you your life.
Your voice. Your joy. Your truth.
Your timeline.

This post is for anyone who’s ever asked,
“Is it okay to be all of me?”
And still feared the cost.

If that’s you:
You’re not alone. And you don’t have to keep surviving.
You get to practice staying.

That’s what we’re doing in QueerMMUnity
at @a_slowstudio, twice a month,
queer joy, queer healing & play!

We don’t just talk about healing.
We practice it. Together.

Come join us. You belong here. @a_slowstudio

#lgbtqia #queerownedbusiness #queerhealing #kc #selfabandonment #selfacceptance

✨⭐️✨⭐️✨⭐️ New Interview Drop! I

✨⭐️✨⭐️✨⭐️
New Interview Drop!
I sat down with Engel @12minconvos several months ago for one of the most unique podcast formats I’ve experienced. Just 12 minutes to meet a total stranger and follow where the conversation leads.

It was early. Still had my morning voice. I had no idea what to expect.
But Engel’s voice? Unreal. Go listen just for that tone alone!

He asked, “What would you like to talk about?”
Easy: Queer joy.
Loved getting to share my take on it and vibe with someone who holds such intentional space.

Link in bio to listen! #Queerattachment #queerjoy #podcast #lesbian #perspective

If you’ve ever left a conversation feeling worse

If you’ve ever left a conversation feeling worse than when you started…
You’re not alone. And you’re not too sensitive.

You finally speak up:
Not to fight.
Not to control.
To connect. To be real. To be met.

“This hurt.”
“Something feels off.”
“I need something different.”

But instead of care, you get defensiveness, deflection, guilt trips and even silence.

And suddenly you’re the problem.
Now you’re apologizing…
For having feelings.
For needing clarity.
For saying anything at all.

Sound familiar?

This is how your nervous system learns:
Speaking up = danger
Honesty = rejection
Needs = too much

And silence starts to feel safer.

But let’s be clear:
You are not too much.
You are not the villain.
Your needs are not a threat.

You weren’t being dramatic. You were being honest. You were asking for connection. That’s it.

It’s not dramatic to want clarity.
It’s not manipulative to want care.
It’s not controlling to want accountability.

That’s called secure relating.

The truth?
You don’t need to shrink.
You need to be met.

By people who can handle the weight of real relationship:
Real emotions.
Real accountability.
Real maturity.

Secure love doesn’t punish honesty.
It welcomes it.

But when someone twists your vulnerability into an attack, deflects instead of listening, or makes you the problem for simply naming your needs: that’s not love. That’s a survival pattern.
Check out Queerly Attached podcast to hear more on secure relationships!
#queerattachment #secure #lgbtqiaplus #relationships #lesbiansofig #wlw

Being secure doesn’t mean you never spiral. It m

Being secure doesn’t mean you never spiral.
It means you’ve practiced your way through shame.

You’ve practiced letting your emotions rise and release without slapping a label on them or suppressing them.
You’ve practiced checking in with your body before jumping to conclusions.
You’ve practiced allowing, instead of immediately trying to “fix.”

Secure isn’t perfection, its presence.
And when you’re aligned with what you truly want, regulation becomes a response, not a performance.

Ready to practice secure?
Start with the my recent podcast interview on @alittlelessfearppdcast 🔗 link in bio. #queerattachment #lgbtqia #secure #podcast #queerhealing

You’re not broken. You’re the pattern. And whe

You’re not broken. You’re the pattern.
And when you see the pattern, you can become the solution.

We talk a lot about red flags, but not enough about the Attachment Styles that trained us to chase them.

Because chaos doesn’t just happen.
It’s familiar. It’s wired. It’s practiced.

So what if you practiced something NEW?

Start by learning your attachment style.
It’s not a personality test. It’s a map.
A map that shows you how pain shaped your patterns and how to repattern for peace.

Start untangling your story.
(link in bio)

#queerattachment #lgbtqia #lesbiansofig #secure #attachmentstyles

“The ripple effect is my favorite part.” That’s what I told my client this morning when they shared another win!
When healing hits deep, not just in you, but in your energy, your relationships, your presence…that’s integration.

This client has been “practicing secure” for 3 months. They have gone from fearing they were “messing everything up” to feeling grounded in this truth: their energy is part of something bigger. Collective. Connected. Queer.

That’s what happens when we stop surviving and start belonging. That’s secure attachment.

Ready to stop questioning your impact and start trusting your energy?
Let’s talk. The ripple begins with you. #queerattachment #secure #lgbtqia #neurodivergent #lesbiansofig

Shared on a podcast interview today that: standing

Shared on a podcast interview today that: standing in the brightest, hottest, closest star to us and feeling its warmth, even as it fades from view is my favorite thing to do lately! I try and hold no thought other than “feel the warmth”. It fills me with gratitude. Gratitude to be on my feet. Outside. On a walk through a parking lot. It reminds me of the long painful walks to the mailbox just down the dirt driveway in Georgia, now over a decade ago. Even years after that emergency back surgery. In a wheelchair. With a walker. With a cane. With a hand. With a limp and a hobble. With my head full of anger for the struggle.

Now, I walk with a smile. And not because I’m walking pain free or without a device. In fact, I walk now with two devices implanted in my actual back. Surgeries 3, 4 and 5 put them there. That’s not why I can walk and smile now. It’s because I’m walking free of the anger. And that is what allows me to now really notice the pain free moments and get outside and WALK. I never know for a fact that I’ll get to do it again tomorrow in the exact same way. There are times I cannot walk, even still.

My pain teaches me a new perspective on the value of health and wellness and pain and tolerance and acceptance. I am grateful for it and accept the companionship of grief that it often brings. I do not wish for it to be different anymore. And I sit with the sun and sometimes the moon more than I ever did before the arrival of this pain. ☀️🌕🌟🎁 #spinalcordinjury #caudaequinasyndrome #healing #lgbtqia #gratitude #chronicpain

You’ve spent enough of your life trying not to b

You’ve spent enough of your life trying not to be left. Now it’s time to spend your life being you.

Every mask you wore, every role you played, every anxious spiral you got stuck in…those weren’t flaws. They were survival strategies. Build from an insecure foundation which wasn’t your fault either. But survival isn’t the same as living.

Healing is when you stop investing in fear and start reclaiming your time, your energy, your self.

You’re not broken. You’re the pattern. And you can choose a new one. Because you’re also the solution! #queerhealing #queerattachment #lgbtqia #wlw #lesbiansofig

I wasn’t just afraid of being alone. I was afrai

I wasn’t just afraid of being alone. I was afraid of being present!
When you grow up in survival mode, stillness doesn’t feel safe, it feels threatening. So you keep moving, fixing, performing, thinking your way out of the silence.
The spiral isn’t the problem.
It’s the pattern.
And patterns can shift.
Just takes practice. Like most patterns do!
Ready to feel safe in your own mind again?
Chatting about this and more on the Queerly
Attached podcast!
#queerattachment #lgbtqia #queerhealing #lesbiansofig
#wlw #podcast

I share my story with my son. He knows about the s

I share my story with my son. He knows about the self abandonment. He knows about the hurt and pain and grief. We talk about our thoughts and share our feelings with eachother. It’s my favorite side effect of healing my attachment wounds. I get to be myself, even with my son. #queerattachment #attachmentparenting #lesbiansofig #lgbtqia #benfolds

Just had the chance to break down queer attachment

Just had the chance to break down queer attachment trauma to two straight women on THEIR podcast. This convo was powerful, validating, and a reminder that these stories need to be told. Catch the full interview and hear why queer pain isn’t just personal…it’s systemic. Your attachment trauma is not your fault. Your responsibility is learning new secure strategies to maintain healthy connection. If you truly believe you deserve one: imagine how much suffering you’re causing yourself by accepting and being less than what you believe you deserve! 🤯Let’s get after it!
Interview 🔗 in bio.
#queerattachment #lesbiansofig #lgbtqia #podcast #wlw #queerjoy

What a blast getting to be the one to introduce KC

What a blast getting to be the one to introduce KC to this recent KS transplant, trans masc bi-gender, friend of mine! Like recent friend yall!! @drsabyn and I met after another speaking event when they rushed up to me and said something along the lines of “I just had to meet you.” We went to dinner that night and by the end of it, I told them I just had to pitch them at the next @wheretofindus.xo event! They said yes and we manifested this moment together (35 days later). Choices yall! Powerful shit. Can’t wait to drop my 2 part episode with them on Queerly Attached podcast! We for sure will need a follow up on how many dates Sabyn locks in by the weekend!! 👀 Another queer joy success. 🙌🏻 #secureattachment #lgbtqia #queerjoy

🍀 BEEN HOPING TO GET LUCKY THIS SPRING? 🌈

🍀 BEEN HOPING TO GET LUCKY THIS SPRING? 🌈

🚨 SINGLE QUEER FRIENDS, ASSEMBLE!
I can’t wait to introduce you to someone who is uniquely prepared for the @wheretofindus.xo spotlight this Thursday!

I’m the lucky one that gets to step up to the mic at GREEN FLAGS ONLY EDITION to pitch the most magical, meet-cute ready human you’ve ever seen. 🌟💚

You’ll be green with envy if you miss this! I’ve got 5 minutes to convince you that they aren’t just a catch…they might be aligned! Don’t miss tips and tricks on sliding into this trans masc, second-breakfast-loving, queer rom-com in the making, friend of mine! ✨

📍 THE SHIP | 1221 UNION AVE
🗓 3/20/25 | 6:30 PM

Tag your single besties and wear your green! It’s giving “green flags only.” 🏳️‍🌈💚

#queerjoy #lgbtqia #transmasc #bigender #queerdating

Feeling extra triggered lately? Like everything is

Feeling extra triggered lately? Like everything is hitting just a little too hard? That’s not a coincidence. It’s not ‘just emotions.’ It’s your nervous system responding to your own queer attachment trauma.

You are not late to anything. You were surviving. You were adapting to a world that wasn’t built for your safety. There’s no such thing as ‘late in life’, there’s just the moment when you’re finally ready.

Right now, your triggers aren’t random, they’re reminders. Every painful cycle, every anxious spiral, every over-explaining text is your body trying to resolve what it never got to heal. And that’s what I do: I help you stop repeating the past and start writing the future.

My clients come to me after years of self-work that never quite clicked because they didn’t know how to stop self abandoning. But when we actually start PRACTICING secure attachment, not just learning about it, everything shifts. No more ‘I’m just like this.’ No more ‘I’ll always be too much.’ Just relief. Regulation. Real security.

✨If you’re ready to heal where it actually started, let’s do it. I offer Attachment Assessments to help you see exactly where queer attachment trauma is still shaping your relationships and how we can change it. Click the link. Book the call. You are not late, you’re right on time.

#queerattachment #lgbtqia #queerpodcast #attachmentstyles #lesbian #exmormon

Hi, I’m Kyleigh and I’m a queer attachment coa

Hi, I’m Kyleigh and I’m a queer attachment coach. I’ve started my own podcast recently, also called Queerly Attached and you should check it out wherever you listen to pods! Since July 2024, I’ve been guesting on podcasts to talk about the true impact of QUEER ATTACHMENT TRAUMA. On THIS particular podcast, I hadn’t done much research. I was still in the early days and was happy to be a guest! Turns out I booked a super conservative early morning Live radio format podcast. With 4 cisgender men, all of whom were straight. I’ve never had an interview like it or one since 😂 Finally went back to the archives for this interview so I could share my favorite moment! Not even because of what the host said at the end but because he was OPEN to the coaching moment. In fact, the entire interview went great and you can find it on YouTube even. #queerattachment #queerhealing #attachmentstyles #podcast #lgbtqia

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