Knock Knock

POST DATE 5-28-24

Imagine an old friend shows up at your doorstep unexpectedly. You haven’t seen them in ages, and you’re thrilled to catch up. How would you greet them?

Maybe you’d invite them in for some coffee. Or a hit on your vape. Maybe you’d play a round of Fortnite or just catch up on the couch. They’d share some things, you’d share some things. Allowing the space for just a brief time because this was an unexpected visit and well, you’ve got boundaries after all.

By allowing your friend to come in for a time, however brief, you’re acknowledging their presence, validating their importance in your life, and making an effort to understand what’s brought them to your doorstep. You’re creating a safe, welcoming space for them to open up and share.

Now, imagine the same scenario, but this time, you’re not so thrilled to see this friend who dropped by. You’re busy, stressed, or just not in the mood for company. Imagine slamming the door in their face. Maybe you let them in with a “hey” and you barely look up from your phone and your tone is dismissive. “I’m kind of in the middle of something. Can we catch up another time?”

What a buster. You’ve completely shut your friend out, made them feel unwelcome and unimportant. You haven’t made an effort to understand or acknowledge their presence, and you’re certainly not creating a safe space for them to open up. Or to even share why the hell they dropped by at all!

Let’s consider another thing that drops by in your life unannounced sometimes. Emotions have been described as energy in motion. They have to move and they want to be released. That’s it. Emotions are just old friends dropping by with a message. Just a cue to say, “Hey, I’ve noticed a need is going unmet. Or a boundary has been crossed. Or a boundary needs to be laid and upheld.” You have a choice in how you greet this emotion. But you won’t get the message until you let them in. You always have a choice.

Emotions can’t be described, they have to be felt. You allow the visit and then you allow it leave.

When you welcome an emotion, you’re acknowledging its presence and validity. You’re saying, “Ah, anxiety, I see you’re here again. What’s bothering you?” or “Hello, sadness. I know you’re feeling heavy today. Let me hold space for you through this.” You’re creating a safe space for the emotion to express itself, and you’re making an effort to understand its message. AND you’re naming it! Names matter.

When you reject an emotion at the door, you’re saying, “Ugh, anxiety, go away! I don’t have time for this” or “Sadness, stop being so dramatic. You’re being ridiculous.”, without taking the time to understand its underlying cause or message. But this is where the analogy stops. An old friend can be rejected at the door and leave. Emotions can’t leave without first being allowed in. Tricky little guys. Emotions find other ways in and they wait for their next moment to knock again. Storing suppressed emotions is like having houseguests that you thought left weeks ago. You didn’t even realized they had squatter’s rights now in the basement. They might become more intense, persistent, or even manifest in unhealthy ways, such as anxiety attacks, depression, or addictive behaviors. This can lead to feelings of fragmentation, disconnection, and low self-esteem. You might feel like you’re living with different parts of yourself at odds with each other.

You’re essentially slamming the door shut on a part of yourself, rather than embracing it and exploring what it has to teach you. By accepting your emotions with curiosity, you’re creating a sense of inner unity and wholeness. You’re integrating your emotional and rational selves, allowing you to respond to life’s challenges with compassion and resilience. Next time you feel something, notice what your natural response is to it! Are you rejecting or welcoming?

Want some tips on how to welcome these emotions like old friends?

Next Blog: Practical Tips for Welcoming Emotions

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