A Different Heartbreak: The Pain of Self-Abandonment

POST DATE 5-28-24

We’ve all been there – heartbroken, feeling lost and alone, wondering how this person we loved could do us like this. But what about the other heartbreak that you may not have acknowledged yet? The heartbreak of self abandonment, when we betray our own hearts, minds, and souls.

Self-abandonment is when we compromise our values, sacrifice our happiness, and people-please to the point of losing ourselves. It’s when we ignore our intuition, diminish our worth, and put others’ needs before our own.

It’s a different kind of hurt that can’t be blamed on anyone else. It’s a pain that can leave us feeling stuck, lost, and unsure of how to move forward.

Consider this – when was the last time you put your needs first? When did you last listen to your gut, without hesitation or apology? When did you last prioritize your own happiness, without worrying about what others might think?

For many of us, the answer is “not often enough.” And that’s where the heartbreak comes in. The pain of recognizing our own self-betrayal. Our choice to disconnect from self to connect to another. It takes courage to face the ways in which we’ve neglected or ignored ourselves and it’s a necessary step that comes with growing pains. Resist the temptation to shame yourself for past choices and shed any victim story you may have. It protects you from this deep grief and pain but it also keeps you stuck. Instead face it and find empathy for the person you were, the who didn’t have the knowledge and wisdom you have now.

Forgiveness of self is a crucial part of the healing process. It’s not about dwelling on past mistakes, but about recognizing the humanity in our decisions.

As we work through the grief, something beautiful happens. We begin to come home to ourselves. We realize that we are the ones we’ve been waiting for, and that’s a powerful knowing.

Get curious. Where have you abandoned yourself? How are you people-pleasing right now? Can you feel the disconnect?